Conquering Fear

I am a bit of a scaredy cat.  Sometimes I am afraid to try new things.  I am more comfortable looking from a far.  I have a tendency to stare at people.  I am convinced it is because I am so enthralled as to what they are doing.  And I wish I could do what they are doing.  When I go to Gold’s Gym I catch myself staring at people doing weight lifting.  I am amazed as to how easy they make it look.  I love to watch through the window at the women doing the classes.  And I found myself wishing I could do one of the classes.

I have been a member of Gold’s Gym for three weeks.  I have a trainer who I absolutely love – Chantille Anderson – and works my butt off.  Before I joined I longed to use one of those weight lifting machines but I was too afraid to try.  I did not know how they worked and was afraid that I would hurt myself.  But every training session I have, I am getting more and more comfortable with the machines.  Chantille makes sure that I do not hurt myself.  And she pushes me to exhaustion which I love.  I am by no means an expert on any of these machines but at least I am overcoming my fear of them.

The other day, I found myself looking through the door of a Spinning Class.  It looked so hard.  It looked much harder than leisurely riding my bike on a Sunday afternoon.  Chantille on a couple of sessions had me train for a few minutes on the spinning bike.  I thought I would die.  And I felt I would never be able to do a spinning class.  But the other day I saw a woman my age on the spinning bike.  She made it look pretty easy and I thought if she can do it, certainly I can.  So this morning I gathered up my courage and went to my first spinning class.

Last night I woke  up worrying about the class.  Would I be able to keep up?  What if I fell off of the bike?  What if I was the biggest or oldest?  What if – what if – what if.  This morning I kept thinking I could just not go to the class and go for my usual daily walk.  But then I knew I would be disappointed with myself for not trying.  So I gathered up my courage, went to Gold’s Gym early and walked into the spinning class.  I introduced myself to the instructor and told her I was new.  She was so nice.  She showed me how to adjust the bike to my height and how to adjust the intensity control.  She introduced me to other spinners who were so nice.  They said to just go at your own pace.  I couldn’t believe it.  I have been wanting to do this for years but was always too afraid to.  There was absolutely nothing to fear.

The teacher then turned the lights off and put the fluorescent lights on.  She cranked the music up and started the class.  I found myself keeping up with the other spinners.  I even cranked up the intensity so I could stand and spin.  I have always been so afraid to do that.  I started to look at the other women in the class and I fit right in.  I was not the heaviest.  I was not the oldest.  For once I felt normal.  Like I belonged.  It was a great feeling.

Wasn’t it FDR that said the famous saying.  “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”  I have been thinking about that quote a lot lately.  My new goal in my weight loss journey (actually it is now my maintenance journey) is conquering my fears.  I am tired of being afraid.  I want to try new things.  Now I will never bungee jump or parachute out of an airplane.  I value my life too much. But using weight lifting machines and spinning on a bike is definitely the first step in the right direction.

Word Choices

I have been thinking a lot lately on certain word choices.   “I WILL”.  “I CAN’T”. “I WON’T”.  So let’s think about those words.  And I will take them in reverse order.

“I WON’T”.  Now anyone that knows me knows that I am a scaredy cat.  I am afraid of many things.  You might say I am paranoid.  I fear for my safety and I fear for everyone I love’s safety.   So I take precautions ALL THE TIME.  I won’t ride my bike without a helmet.  I will not get in a car without wearing a seat belt.  I won’t bungee jump off of a cliff nor will I parachute out of an airplane.  I will not dive off of a cliff nor will I go in a hot air balloon.  I can do all of these things.  I just WON’T.

Now I CAN’T be an WNBA Basketball player.  It is not because of lack of desire – it is because I CAN’T.  I have no basketball skills nor the height.  I CAN’T be a supermodel not because I don’t want to but more because I am 5 foot 3 inches and supermodels are a bit taller and a bit younger. I CAN’T be an engineer, lawyer or doctor not because I am not smart – I am just not smart in engineering, doctor or lawyer skills.  I honestly CAN’T do any of these things not that I don’t want to.  I just CAN’T.

What drives me nuts are excuses.  I hate it at my Weight Watcher meetings when I hear someone whining about how they CAN’T stay away from cookies.  And our fearless Weight Watcher leader suggests to get the cookies out of the house.  And the whining person says “I CAN’T because my son will have a fit.  He likes my cookies”.  So really this whining person is saying she WON’T give up her cookies.  She can get rid of her cookies but she is using her son as an excuse to eat the cookies.  Can we call a spade a spade here?  You like cookies and ‘WON’T”  make any changes to help yourself not eat them.  So wouldn’t it be better just to say – I like my cookies and I WON’T change.

Another person was whining about how she could not find the time to get in exercise.  I truly understand the time crunch.   Jillian Michaels had a great come back to that excuse.  She said if you had cancer and had to go have chemo for an hour a day – you would find the time.  Why is being good to yourself and your health not as important?  So this person is saying “I WON’T” exercise.  It is not because she couldn’t.  She just chose not to.

“I WILL” is one of my favorite phrases.  I will be the best person I can be.  I will try harder.  I will finish.   I will continue my weight loss journey.  I will strive harder.  I will exercise.  I will exercise harder.  I will keep a food diary.  I will eat healthy foods.  I will drink water and green tea until I float away.  I will be good to myself. I will eat healthy foods.  I will enjoy my life.  I will be thankful for all that I have achieved.  Does it matter if I am perfect in everything?  Absolutely not!

I am still suffering from my bone spur on my achilles tendon so I CAN’T run. (Doctor’s orders).  My long walks are limited but I CAN walk on a limited basis.  But what I have been doing is lifting weights and enjoying it.  I have been bike riding and swimming.  I CAN DO THIS!  I have been eating super healthy.  I have cut all white starches and sugar out of my diet.   Have I cut them out completely?  On a very rare occasion I will eat a starch but that will not undo all the the work I have achieved.  I WILL DO THIS!  And I WON’T  give up.  This is my life long journey and I am loving this journey.


Weekly Update

I have declared Wednesday’s as my day to confess all.  This is the day that I will tell all who want to listen to my week’s weight loss journey.  I will tell you the highs and lows.  The good and the bad (or ugly).  According to Jillian Michaels I should be eating 1200 per day and according to Weight Watchers I am allowed 26 points.

Tuesday Oct. 8 – Calories – 1203  • 32 Points – Exercise walked 2.8 miles

Wednesday October 9 (my birthday) – Calories – 1499 • 43 Points (mostly because of wine) Exercise – walk/ run 2 miles, cycled 5.58 miles

Thursday October 10 – Calories-1463 • 28 Points Exercise – Walk/Run 3 miles

Friday October 11 – Calories – 1080 • 21 Points • Exercise – Walk/Run 4.14 miles

Saturday October 12 – Calories – 1248 • 29 Points • Exercise (Day of rest)

Sunday October 13 – Calories – 1423 • 26 Points • Exercise – Walk/Run 6 Miles

Monday October 14 – Calories 1244 • 26 Points • Exercise – Walk 3.12 Miles

Tuesday October 15 – Calories 1029 • 26 Points • Exercise – Walk 1.93 Miles – Weights 20 minutes

I felt my week was very good eating wise and exercise wise.  But I did eat things I normally don’t eat.  Like movie popcorn.  I figured in that I ate 4 cups worth – which probably was a bit underestimated.  Do you know how many calories is in one of those big popcorn tubs?  Over 1,000.  I also had a lot of wine this week.  I already broke my wine resolution from last week.  But it was my birthday and my birthday week.  I had to celebrate.

I went to my weekly weigh in at Weight Watchers yesterday and had a one pound weight loss.  I was happy with that.  I am currently down 38 pounds.  My weight at Weight Watchers was 163. I am so ready to not see a 160 or above ever again on a scale.  I am looking forward to the 150’s.  They are going to be my new friends.

At my Weight Watcher’s meeting last week they talked about adding more exercise into our daily routine.  We have heard them all.  Park at the farthest parking spot.  Take stairs not the elevator.  Blah blah blah.  But I had never heard getting up and doing a 5 minute workout after working for 1 hour. Which I did try to do.  But I found myself just meandering around my studio. Someone also suggested while watching TV, do an activity during the commercials. I thought that was a great idea.  And what better show to do it than the first night of The Biggest Loser.  And I rocked those commercials.   I did crunches, planks and lifted weights.  I was envisioning Jillian, Bob and Dulvette yelling at me.  “You can do it Lisa!”  And I did do it.

So this week my goal is to get up and do something physical every hour and during just one TV show work out during the commercials.  This is going to be a great week!

To be continued……

I Had a Great Birthday

I had a great birthday!  We went for a  walk/run at Fenton Park.  I did not go my usual 3.2 miles because we were running out of time and had to meet up with our son Timothy and his wife Becky to go to the wineries.  So I ran/walked only 2 miles.  And then we went to the Katy Trail in Weldon Springs to go for a bike ride.  It was an absolutely beautiful fall day.


Let’s talk about bikes for a minute.  I have a Trek bicycle.  It has a cute wicker basket to hold my necessary things.  And a ringer to let slower riders be aware that I will be passing them.  It is not a racing bike.  But more of a sit up and ride leisurely bike.  And the seat is harder than hard.  My bike is a leisure bike.  They should have put a leisure seat that is well cushioned to make my riding experience more enjoyable.   I could ride forever if it wasn’t for that darn seat.  My legs don’t hurt, my arms and hands don’t hurt.  The only thing that hurts, gets numb and hurts the next day is my booty.  I thought losing weight would help my derriere from not hurting.  After all there is less to hurt.  But it hurts just as bad as it did when I first got the bike 6 years ago.

We rode only for 40 minutes because the wineries were calling our name.  We met up with Timothy and Becky and headed to Chandler Hill Winery in Defiance, MO.  I wish I had taken a photo of the winery.  It is just beautiful.  It sits up on a hill and overlooks the vineyard and a small pond.  The food is delicious and the service is pretty good.

We started off with a wine tasting.  I love tasting wines.  It seems so cool to swirl an ounce of wine, sniff it, see if it has legs and then taste it.  Not gulp – but taste.  It is kind of elegant.   I started out tasting the white wines because Chardonnay is my favorite and the wine taster girl said we needed to start out with tasting the whites and end with the reds.  I was not blown away with the whites.   And then we started tasting the reds.  And I absolutely fell in love with a red chambourcin wine.  It was soooo delicious.  We finished our wine tasting and had a fantastic lunch.  And yes I ate bread.  We ordered bruchetta that I assumed would have tomatoes but it was toasted bread with hummus and a cheese spread.  I guess I should of asked what came with the bread or read the menu more closely.  But it was all so delicious.  And I enjoyed every morsel.  I was good in ordering my lunch.  I had a delicious salad with smoked salmon and kept my balsamic vinaigrette dressing on the side.  And we shared 2 bottles of wine.

I will say that I had the best birthday.  The weather was perfect.  I was with people that I adore. I did not go crazy with my calories (totaling out at 1500 calories – drinking most of my calories).   And I got some good cardio in.

It does not bet any better than this.

Happy Birthday to Me

Today I am 62 years old.  I feel great.  I have lost almost 40 pounds this past year and physically I am getting fitter and fitter every day.  I feel the best I have felt in a very, very long time.  And it is going to be a great day.  It started out perfect with a beautiful Vera Bradley bag that my husband, John,  gave me.  I have wanted a Vera Bradley carry all bag for a very long time.  And when I came downstairs to have my coffee, a gift bag and card were waiting for me.  What a great day to start my day.  Now I have a beautiful bag to carry my work out clothes to work in.

He also said something that I loved hearing.  He said “you have given yourself the best birthday present of all.  You have lost a lot of weight”.   Yes I have.  Happy Birthday to me.  And I do like my gift the best.  I have given myself a new outlook on life and a healthier lifestyle.

I had my weigh in at Weight Watchers yesterday.  I lost 3.4 pounds.  I was very happy with that loss.  I decided that I was going to count calories and count my Weight Watcher points and see how calories and points compared.  My daughter, Maria, has been telling me for a long time that I have been eating too much fruit.  But Weight Watchers told my that 5 fruits per day is worked into the plan.  CONFUSION.  Jillian Michaels says that I should be eating 1200 calories a day.  My Fitness Pal says the same thing.   So I tried not eating so much fruit this week.  If I added 5 fruits to my Weight Watchers daily plan I would have been well over 2,000 calories.  And I know that 2,000 calories is too many for me.

So this past week, I limited my intake of fruits to one to three a day.

Here is the breakdown – and I am being completely honest.

Tuesday – is my starting day of the week.  Because that is my Weight Watcher weigh in day.  1153 Calories – 17 points – Exercise Run/Walk 36 minutes

Wednesday – 1071 Calories – 22 points – Exercise –  Jillian Michaels 20 Minute workout

Thursday – 1464 Calories – 23 points – Exercise – Walk/Run 52 minutes

Friday – 1636 Calories – 30 points – Exercise (Day of rest – Jillian says you need one day of rest)

Saturday – 1183 Calories – 26 points – Exercise – Walk/Run 34 minutes

Sunday – 1362 Calories – 32 points – Exercise – Walk/Run 48 minutes

Monday – 1,472 Calories – 28 points – Exercise Jillian Michaels 20 minute workout and a 5 minute Tabata 5.5 run.

I am not sure of the correlation here of points to calories.  But I am noticing that calories and points seem to be close.  On my lower caloric days I was eating one cup of berries.  And on the higher caloric days I was eating 1-2 cups of berries and 2-3 apples a day.  I am going to try this again this week and see how the points/calories compare.

So today I am going to have a great rest of the day.  I am playing hooky from work (the beauty of owning your own business).  John is cooking up some bacon (3 slices is 120 calories and 4 WW points).  I am going to go for my walk/run and a bike ride on the Katy Trail.  And then off to the wineries in Augusta, MO and will be enjoying this most beautiful fall day.

And for todayI know I will be well over my 1200 calories and my 26 points – but after all IT IS MY BIRTHDAY!