Let’s talk undergarments.  Or underwear.  Panties and bras.  You know those clothes that you wear under your clothes.  Some people live without them and if you are like me, you can’t live with them.  I hate underwear.  I hate shopping for underwear.  I have 2 drawer full of underwear.  One drawer is for the underwear that fits and one drawer is for the underwear that does not fit.

There is nothing worse for me than a bra that does not fit.  When I was much heavier, my bras just stuck to me.  And they were so uncomfortable.  I remember being at my grandson’s football game and sitting there wishing the game to be over so I could go home and take my bra off. What an awful feeling.  Leaving my grandsons game because I was uncomfortable?  It was time to do something about my fatness.  And that was one of my reasons I started my weight loss journey.

Although,  my panties were quite comfortable.  I had the same 9 pairs for several years.  Yes, I know what you are thinking.  That is disgusting!  But who saw my nasty underwear?  Just my husband.  And after (at that time 39 years) so many years together, I really did not care.

After losing a few pounds I thought it might be time to invest in some new panties.  I tried desperately to find the same brand that I loved.  But that was nine years ago and how could I find the same brand and style.  I found some Hanes at Kohls and purchased the package.  I went home and tried them on.  Ugh!  Too tight in the waist and too saggy in the butt.  I tried again through a catalogue and was so excited when they arrived.  Again, too tight in the waist and too big in the tush.

So I went out again this time to Target and bought a package of panties that I thought would work.  By the way, I never return panties.  That is why I have 2 drawers full.  This time they fit a bit better.  This was back in February.  They were a bit tight but I knew I would eventually fit in them.  So I put them in my can’t wear drawer.  I continued wearing my nasty, now too big but very comfortable underwear.

I did eventually fit into the too tight underwear.  But I did not have a pair for every day.  So I went out to Target again.  I could not believe it.  The brand I was looking for was no longer there.  But a similar style was, in multiple colors.  I am a plain white person but for comfort, the colorful panties would work.

Too small.  Why oh why can I not find a similar panty to fit me the way I want my panties to fit.  Big in the waist and tighter around the tush.  Oh well, 6 more pairs in my can’t wear drawer.  So I kept my old nasty panties to wear when I ran out of my good fitting panties.

And one day I was going through my can’t wear drawer and I came across a pair of panties that I had bought several years ago and they were always too small.  I tried them on and they fit.  I was so excited to fit into something I had not been able to in years.  I then put my running pants on and went for a run.  After running for only a minute these adorable panties kept falling down.  I had to keep reaching down in my running pants and pull them back up.  I had my hands in my pants most of the run.  And finally I gave up.  “PANTS FALLIN DOWN-PANTS FALLIN DOWN!”  I ran to my car, took the too big panties off and finished my run.  What a free feeling!

Purchasing bras is no better.  Last year prior to Weight Watchers, I refused to go out and buy a larger bra size.  My bra just kind of stuck to me.  The worst fat feeling is when I would unsnap my bra and it did not fall off.  I had to peel the bra off.  But that was the best feeling ever.  For that bra to be off of my body.  Finally after losing my first 20 pounds, my daughter insisted it was time to purchase a new bra.  I was not ready to be professionally fit for a bra so I went to Kohls.  All I was looking for was a bra that did not hurt and give me mild support.  Success!  I found one.  It was so comfortable.  It did not stick to me and it did not hurt.

So now that I am down forty pounds it is now time to purchase more bras and panties.  My panties in my can’t wear drawer now fit and are sagging a bit.  But I love comfort.  I think I can wait on that purchase. But my current bras are no longer doing what they are made for.  Support.  I am still not ready to be professionally fit.  I still have several pounds to lose.  And I am not ready for a hefty investment for a bra.  So back to Kohls I will be going.

And those nasty panties in my drawer?  I still have them.  They are like old friends.   I know one day I will have to say goodbye to them.  But just not today.

Taking Off My Wedding Band

my rings

I can no longer wear it.  It is not that I do not love it.  But it just keeps slipping off of my finger.  I finally had to take off my fat self wedding band.

As you can see in this picture I have 4 wedding bands.  The middle one is my original wedding band.  I weighed 148 lbs. when we got married 40 years ago.  The one directly behind it is my wedding band when I gained weight during my child bearing years.  The one to my left is my mother’s ring which I used to wear (for a very short few months) during my first major weight loss.  And the one on the right is the band I have been wearing for the last 20 years.

I have very few pieces of jewelry.  The ones I do have, John  bought  for me through the years.  But pieces of jewelry I always wear are my earrings, wedding band and my necklace holding my other wedding rings.   The only time I have ever taken this necklace off is when I wear other necklaces, which is extremely rare.

Today, I put on for the first time in 20 years, my original wedding band.  It is very exciting to me to know that I am close to the weight I was when I got married.  I wish I had the engagement ring that went with it.  It came as a set with my wedding band.  It was made by Orange Blossom.  I remember so well in college going through the bridal magazines looking for my favorite ring.  I loved that ring.  I tore the ad out of the magazine and gave it to John and said “that is the engagement ring I want”.  And he was so sweet to listen to me.  (Actually I was quite demanding back then and thank God John overlooked that slight flaw).

And then that beautiful ring got stolen.  I lost weight after we got married and was sporting 134 pounds.  My ring was too big on me and I kept it in a special box.  We went out of town, box in tow, and stayed at a motel.  I did not even notice the ring was gone until we got home.  Thank God it was insured.  I wish I had used that money to replace that beautiful ring.  But  I had been wanting a dishwasher.  And you guessed it.  I bought a dishwasher with the insurance money.  How do you spell the word STUPID!

I am still going to wear my necklace with my mom’s wedding ring and my past fat self wedding ring.  I never want to forget my past fat life.  I never want to go back there.  My mom’s ring is so special to me that I want to keep it on my necklace.  It does fit me but is just a bit snug.  After all my mom weighed only 105 pounds.  And I know I will never weigh that.  So for right now It will continue to have a special place on my necklace right next to my past fat self ring.